Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
