she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
