No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
