Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
