im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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