Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
