Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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