needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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