You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
