I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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