When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The Olympian is in my bed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
