Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
