who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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