Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
