hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We got so high we made milksteak
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
