I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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