Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
