I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So much rum. So many feels.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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