i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
