There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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