Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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