mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
