really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
