I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You need Xanax blowdarts
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
as a side note pls kill me
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