I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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