its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
