I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
