Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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