Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
