Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
