whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
