Your dad touched me again.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
