If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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