I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm passing your future prison.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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