Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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