how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
