Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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