You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
