so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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