How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
