During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
