I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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