Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
