I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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