i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Blood and glitter go together right?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
