Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You took a bar mat shot.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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