Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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