I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
