What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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