So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
whose ass print is on the piano?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
