girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
