In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
