You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
