I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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