I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
